Feelings of loneliness & isolation
It’s hard to describe unless you’ve experienced it before.
The world around you is closing down for the day, and your heart might start beating a bit faster, your breaths become more shallow. Feelings of dread and loneliness build up in your chest.
Often times babies experience an intense witching hour in the early evening that can be incredibly draining and stressful. Once settled, the looming unknown of the night ahead can make it hard to reset once baby is calmed down. There’s no way to know whether you’ll be woken 2 times or 10.
Restlessness in spite of the exhaustion
The anticipatory stress around nights with a baby can often be worse than the nights themselves.
The hormones of postpartum paired with lack of sleep and nourishment can increase hyper-vigilance and invasive thoughts.
Other things to expect
extreme sweating and heat flashes
ravenous hunger
lost-in-the-desert-for-a-week level thirst
strange or unsettling dreams
anxiety around baby breathing
afterpains (these tend to increase in intensity/length with each birth)
What can help
natural fiber pajamas/sheets/pillowcases (silk, cotton, linen) to make temperature changes more tolerable
focus on eating enough throughout the day
do not push through the day without getting at least some extra sleep
skin to skin cuddles with baby
create a plan with your partner to have time to yourself in the early part of the night. go to bed or just rest with a podcast or audiobook and take time to yourself. go for a short walk. take a bath. if possible, go to sleep for what is often a long-ish stretch for baby
nervous system care before bed:
belly / 360 / diaphragmatic breathing
guided meditation
humming, singing, laughing, crying, screaming
normalize your experience with friends or support groups
try to avoid turning on lights and using screens in the evening - stick to audio entertainmend and use a red light
get morning sunlight for you and baby, even if it’s cold outside
Understanding what’s normal & what requires support
Mood variation and feelings of worry, anxiety, depression are very common postpartum. Know that intense and unsettling thoughts are normal. You might experience high highs and low lows. You might expect to feel things that you aren’t.
Things to be aware of that indicate professional support might be necessary:
Strong “baby blues” lasting beyond the first 2 weeks and most of the time
Feeling hopeless, unable to initiate or complete basic care tasks
Unsafe thoughts about yourself or baby
Having severe mood swings or feelings of rage
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